Jesus and god were playing golf. They come to a long par 5 with
trees and sand traps everywhere. Jesus hits a beautiful shot
straight down the fairway and it lands perfect. God steps up and
hits one off a tree and into a pond. All of a sudden a fish gets
the ball in his mouth and swims with it until an eagle picks the
fish up with the ball still in the fishes mouth. mouth. He flies
over the green and the fish drops the ball and it rolls into the
cup. Jesus turns to god and says, “You gonna play golf or you
gonna fuck around?”

A Muslim sheikh, a Christian priest and a Jewish rabbi find a
room filled with gold coins. They sit down to discuss what
they’d do with it.

The sheikh: I think we throw it up in the air and have the poor
take what they can of it. That way it’s like giving it to God.

The priest: I think I should throw it up in the air. Whatever
goes to the left of this line goes to church and whatever goes
to the right goes to charity. That way God is happy.

The rabbi: I will just throw it all up in the air. Whatever
comes down I will take. And whatever stays up God can have it
and he can do what he likes with it!

Why is noel named noel if there is an L in noel?

There once was a vicar who loved to golf. One Sunday he decided
to skip church and play golf. So he phoned the church and said
he was ill. He then went to the golf club far away from town,
and started to play.

There was an angel above watching him. The angel said to god,
“That was a terrible thing to do. He should be punnished.” God
agreed. So on the next hole the vicar teed off and struck the
ball straight down onto the green and into the hole.

The angel said to god, “I thought you were going to punnish him.”

God said “I am. Who is he going to tell about his hole-in-one?!”

Q. What’s the diffrence between preachers and Christmas trees?

A. They both have balls but just for decoration.

A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday and head
to the hills to do some bear hunting. As he rounded the corner
on a perilous twist in the trail, he and a bear collided,
sending him and his rifle tumbling down the mountainside. Before
he knew it, his rifle went one way and he went the other,
landing on a rock and breaking both legs. That was the good
news. The bad news was the ferocious bear charging at him from a
distance, and he couldn’t move. “Oh, Lord,” the preacher prayed,
“I’m so sorry for skipping services today to come out here and
hunt. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish…please make
a Christian out of that bear that’s coming at me. Please, Lord!”

That very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to its
knees, clasped its paws together and began to pray aloud right
at the preacher’s feet. “Dear God, bless this food I am about to
receive….”