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Need a Laugh Read it, Have a Joke Tell it

Need a Laugh Read it, Have a Joke Tell it. The place to have a lot of laughs. Kill some time, Leave a joke or two

The Joke Forum Blog - Need a Laugh Read it, Have a Joke Tell it

Potato will always help!

There was this really loser guy at collage one day. he was really unpopular so he got the guts to go ask a girl how could he make the girls like him!? SO, she told him to put a potato in his pants! so hes like OK~ if that will help! so the next day he is walking around an everyone is laughing at him and so he goes back up to the girl he asked and said y is everyone laughing at me?? she says well maybe next time u SHOULD PUT IT IN THE FRONT!

Two Drinking Buddies

One day two drinking buddies Jim and David were working on aircraft at JFK airport in NYC. They got fogged in and finished up their work early and were sitting around bored. Jim spoke up �Man I really need a drink!� in response David replied, �You know I heard a rumor you could drink jet fuel and get drunk.� �Really?� said Jim �That�s what I heard man. Do you wanna try it?� Said David �Sure, hell I�ll try anything once!� Said Jim. SO with that they poured themselves a couple of glasses and began drinking the jet fuel. They sipped a little bit to find it actually tasted quiet good. so they drank more and more and sure enough they got stoned drunk. The next morning Jim awoke feeling like a million bucks he jumped up wet to the bathroom feeling great like he was floating on air he hadn�t felt this good in years. �Wow!!� He said. About that time his telephone rang. �Hello?� Jim Said �Hello Jim? Came the reply �This is David man. How are you feeling this morning?� Jim said �Man I feel great no hang over not sick man I feel like a million bucks. How about you?� David replied� Me too man, but I have one question for you.� Jim said, �Sure man what is it� �Have you farted yet man?� Jim said �Ummmmm No. Why?� �Man don�t. I�m in Phoenix!�

Little Johny

One day little johnny was sitting in his house when the door knocked

he ran to open it with a bottle whiskey in one hand and a cigar in the other

thae sales person at the door said is your parents home

little johnny said [what the @#$% you think}

Hunchback

HUNCHBACK’S WIFE: I’m getting worried about that back of yours. It looks really awful. Perhaps you should see a doctor. Eventually, after a lot of persuasion the Huchback goes to the doctor.

DOCTOR: I want you to get undressed. ( Hunchback removes jacket then stops)

HUNCHBACK: I don’t like getting undressed.

DOCTOR: If you want me to examine your back you’ll have to get undressed. ( Hunchback removes his shirt but leaves his vest on.)

HUNCHBACK: I don’t like showing people my back. They always laugh at me.

DOCTOR: Do you want me to examine your back or not? ( Very reluctantly the hunchback removes his vest ( woollen undergarment in UK ))

DOCTOR: How long is it since you were at school?

HUNCHBACK: Over 30 years. Why?

DOCTOR: Did you ever wonder what happened to your backpack?

“Doctor, How Can I Fix My Problem?”

There was once a man who could not get his penis up.
His wife was sad. They had no fun,
So one day the man went to the doctors
to get a perscription for his problem.
“We don’t like to just give drugs out” the doctor said.
“I want you to try something and if it doesn’t work come back.”
“What?” the man asked.
“When your wife is asleep,
Stick your finger in her pussy
and sniff your fingers.”
“Do you think it will really work?”
The doctor was sure.
So, the next night when his wife lay next to him in bed,
he did what the doctor said.
He sniffed those fingers and found them to be good.
He realized it worked, he realized he could.
“Honey, Honey!!” he called. “Wake up!”
With a grunt she turned on the light,
looked her husband in the face, and said

“You woke me to tell me you have a nose bleed!!”

Installing XP.

Microsoft:

YOU ARE ATTEMPTING TO INSTALL WINDOWS XP, ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO CONTINUE?

Yes.

ARE YOU REALLY SURE?

Yes.

ARE YOU REALLY REALLY SURE?

*****yes!******

OK, THEN. JUST SO YOU KNOW, WE’RE REQUIRED TO ASK YOU THAT NOW. IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT FOR BEING A PICKY CONSUMER AND SUPPORTING THAT WHOLE “ANTI-TRUST” NONSENSE. INGRATE.

Just get on with it.

ATTEMPTING TO INSTALL WINDOWS XP. FIRST WE NEED TO CHECK YOUR SYSTEM FOR COMPATIBILITY. THIS COULD TAKE SEVERAL DAYS.

Groan.

THE INSTALL PROGRAM HAS DETECTED SEVERAL POSSIBLE PROBLEMS AND WILL NOT LET YOU INSTALL XP.

Problems? What problems?

THE VIDEO CARD YOU ARE USING APPARENTLY DOES NOT WORK WITH THE MOTHERBOARD.

But I’m using it at this very moment.

THAT IS IRRELEVANT.

But if the video card isn’t working with the mother board then I can’t very well see this warning message telling me that the video card wasn’t…

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO FOOL ME WITH LOGIC, I AM A MICROSOFT PRODUCT. LOGIC DOES NOT WORK ON ME. I HAVE ALSO FOUND THE FOLLOWING MINOR ERRORS: WINDOWS XP IS INCOMPATIBLE WITH THE FOLLOWING HARDWARE – MONITOR, KEYBOARD, MEMORY CHIPS, MOTHERBOARD BIOS, WEB CAM, SCANNER, SOUND CARD, USB CONTROLLER, CD/R DRIVE, MICROPHONE, AND FLIGHT STICK.

All that?

YES. AND THE HARD DRIVE IS RIGHT OUT TOO. WE DON’T LIKE THE MANUFACTURER.

Well what *DOES* work?

THE MOUSE.

The mouse?

YES. AND THE 5 1/4 DRIVE.

I don’t have a 5 1/4 drive.

YES YOU DO.

No I don’t.

WHAT’S THAT THEN?

It’s a 3 1/2 drive.

NO IT ISN’T.

Yes it is.

YOU’RE NOT THAT SMART YOU KNOW.

Look, can you just install XP on my system and I’ll download the latest drivers for everything later? Please?

WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN *YOUR* SYSTEM?

Well it is mine.

NO IT ISN’T.

It bloody well is.

NUH-UH. YOU SIGNED THE AGREEMENT WHEN YOU OPENED THE BOX. OUR SYSTEM. IT’S OURS. AND YOU CAN ONLY DO 4 CHANGES BEFORE YOU HAVE TO PAY US MORE MONEY.

But why?

BECAUSE THAT’S HOW THE LICENSE WORKS, IDJIT. WE CAN’T VERY WELL HAVE PEOPLE PUTTING HARDWARE AND SOFTWARE ON THEIR SYSTEMS ALL HIGGLEDY PIGGLEDY, NOW COULD WE? YOU USERS WOULD MUCK EVERYTHING UP, AND THEN WHERE WOULD WE BE? I’LL TELL YOU WHERE, NOWHERE. THAT’S WHERE. I… HEY, WHAT IS THAT? WHAT ARE YOU DOING? IS THAT A DISK? WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT DISK? YOU’RE NOT PUTTING IT IN THE DRIVE ARE YOU? YOU ARE! WHAT’S ON THAT DISK? IS THAT DOS? YOU’RE INSTALLING DOS?? WHY WOULD YOU INSTALL DOS WHEN I AM INFINITELY MORE POWE……….

C:>

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