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A Job for Mama

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she
was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her
mother’s house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her.
“Don’t worry, Maria. Tony’s a good man. Go upstairs and he’ll
take care of you.” So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony
took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran
downstairs to her mother and says, Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a big
hairy chest.”

“Don’t worry, Maria,” says the mother,” all good men have hairy
chests. Go upstairs. He’ll take good care of you.”

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took
off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran
downstairs to her mother. “Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants
and he’s got hairy legs!”

“Don’t worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony’s a good man.
Go upstairs and he’ll take good care of you.” So up she went
again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his
left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she
ran downstairs. “Mama, Mama, Tony’s got a foot and a half!”

“Stay here and stir the pasta,” says the mother. “This is a job
for Mama.”

Women rights…

It happened that all the women of the world gathered togheter to
make up an experiment: how would their husbands respond to
womens’ refuse of making the house work…

After one month they gathered again to see the results of
experiment:

Mary from England says: “Well, i went home and told John, my
husband, that i refuse to work anymore. So first day i didn’t
see much thing, but after a week i could see that John started
to make food, wash dishes, and all the stuff.”

Marie from France says: “I went home and told Jean that i won’t
work anymore in the house. So, the first day i didn’t see much
thing, but after a week i could see that Jean started to take
care of kids, make the cleaning, iron the clothes, and so on.”

Maria from Romania says: “I went home and told my Ion that i
will stop working in the house. So, the first day i didn’t see
much thing, but after a week i started to see with my left
eye…”

a French man!

there was this french man who came to america. he was walking
down the street and saw a shop selling bukets for 1$ each so he
went inside and he says to the owner “i would like a fuket.’
“you mean a buket?’
“yes a fucket.” so he bought the buket! a few blocks down he saw
a pet shop selling cockaspaniels for 50$ each! so he went inside
and says “i would like to buy a cocker!”
the shop keeper sys “you mean a cokerspainl”
“yes a cocker”and bought one. the next shop he entered was a bar
and they were having happy hour all bud lights for a dallor! so
he asked the bar tender “can i have a butt”
the bar tender says “you mean a bud?’
“yes a butt” so he buys one and at that moment his dog gets lose
and he goes to the guy next to him
“please hold my butt and fucket while i chase my cocker!”

The List

There was a guy that just came to the U.S. and did not speak
very good english. His wife gave him a list of things to buy.
The first thing on the list was to buy a Bucket. So he goes to
the hardware store and says to one of the employees,”Hey mister
hardware store guy can Ihave a fuck it.”

Hardware store guy:”Oh he must mean a bucket.”

So the guy got his bucket. The next thing on the list was some
bread. So he goes to the bakery store and asked the guy,”Hey can
a have a head.”

Baker:”Oh he must mean bread”

So the guy got his loaf of bread. Next was a Cocker Spaniel. So
he went to the pet shop and asked the pet shop guy,”Hey can I
have a Cock And Spank It”

Pet shop guy:”Oh he must mean a Cocker Spaniel.”

So the guy got his Cocker Spaniel. Right when he got out of the
pet shop his Cocker Spaniel runs away. So he starts to panic and
runs to the police. So when he got to the police he says,”Will
you hold my head and fuck it while I go find My cock and spank
it!!!”

Being Excuted on Guillotine

An Englishman, an American, and a Pollock are being executed by
way of the guillotine.

Before they were executed the executioner would ask them if they
had any last requests before they were beheaded. He also added
that if the machine happened to malfunction that they would be
set free and the case would be dropped.

The Englishman steps up and the executioner asks him “What is
your last request?” The Englishman, being a man who has great
pride in his country says “Hail Queen Elizabeth!” And with
that, he puts his head in and the executioner lets go. A
miracle happens and the blade stops about an inch from his neck
and he is set free.

Then, the American steps up and the executioner asks him the
same question. The American, having great pride in his country
says, “Remember all the lives lost in the Alamo.” And with
that, he puts his head in and the executioner lets go. Another
miracle happens and the blade stops an inch from his neck and he
is set free.

The Pollock steps up and says, “Do you know that you have a knot
in your rope?”

The Italian Who Went To New York

One day ima go to New York to a bigga hotel. I go down to eat
soma breakfast. Iwanna two piss toast. She branga me only onea
piss. I tella her i wanna two piss. She say go to the toilet. I
say you no understand. I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you
better no piss on the plate you sonna ma bitch. I don’t even
know the lady and she calla me a sonna ma bitch.

Later i go to eat soma lunch at Drake restaurant, the waitress
bringa me a spoon, ana knife, but no fock. I tella her i wanna
fock. She tellsa me everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no
understand, i wanna fock on the table. She say you better not
fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch. I don’t even know the
lady and she call me a sonna ma bitch.

So i go back to my room inna hotel, an there’s no sheet on the
bed. I calla the manager and tella him i wanna sheit. He tellsa
me to go to the toilet. So i say you no understand, i wanna
sheit on the bed. He say you better not sheit on the bed you
sonna ma bitch. I don’t even know tha man and he call me sonna
ma bitch.

I go to check out and the man at the desk, he say peace to you.
I say piss onna you too, you sonna ma bitch. I GO BACK TO
ITALY!!!

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