Some statisticians don’t drink because they are t-test totalers. Others drink the hard stuff as evidenced by the proliferation of box-and-whiskey plots.

The most important statistic for car manufacturers is autocorrelation.

Underwater ship builders are concerned with sub-optimization.

Q: Did you hear about the statistician who made a career change and became an surgeon specializing in ob/gyn?A: His specialty was histerectograms.

If I had only one day left to live, I would live it in my statistics class: it would seem so much longer.

Theorem: e=1Proof:2*e = f2^(2*pi*i)e^(2*pi*i) = f^(2*pi*i)e^(2*pi*i) = 1Therefore:2^(2*pi*i) = f^(2*pi*i)2=fThus:e=1

Philosophy is a game with objectives and no rules. Mathematics is a game with rules and no objectives.

Did you know that 87.166253% of all statistics claim a precision of results that is not justified by the method employed?

A mathematician and a non-mathematician are sitting in an airport hall waiting for their flight to go. The non has terrible flight panic.”Hey, don’t worry, it’s just every 10000th flight that crashes.”"1:10000? So much? Then it surely will be mine!”"Well, there is an easy way out. Simply take the next plane. It’s much more probable that you go from a crashing to a non-crashing plane than the other way round. So you are already at 1:10000 squared.”

Never show a bar chart at an AA meeting.