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The Top 15 Questions on the Spice Girl Job Application

15. In space provided, tell us why you want, why you really, really, want this job.

14. Do you have any detectable vestige of talent, besides your hooters?

13. Would it, like, bother you to be the target of unrelenting hatred?

12. How would you best describe yourself?

( ) An energetic self-starter

( ) A team player

( ) A tasty, albeit untalented, bit of crumpet

11. True or false: A mosh pit is the seed of the mosh fruit.

10. “I am willing to trade sexual favors for a career in the music industry.”

( )Yes

( )No

9. How many times have you been kicked out of a karaoke bar?

8. Does nudity bother you? If so, should I put my clothes back on?

7. Explain the difficulties in identifying the source of individual free will in light of the deterministic theories of neurochemical medicine and modern behavioralist psychology. Just kidding!! Seriously, do you like leather mini-skirts?

6. Are you deceptively attractive in colored or stroboscopic light?

5. Choose an appropriate nickname: Sexy, Nasty, Sweetie, Chlamydia.

4. Have you ever been convicted of combining vertical and horizontal stripes?

3. If two trains leave Liverpool an hour apart at 90 kilometers, and 75 kilometers an hour, respectively, how would you look in spandex?

2. Does the term “force majeure in perpetuity” make you afraid or just giggly?

1. If required as part of your deal with Satan, would you be willing to help alleviate Prince Charles’s loneliness?

The Top 20 Country-Western Rap Artists

20> SixPac Shakur

19> The Dixie Bizznitches

18> Hay-Z

17> ODV (Ol’ Dirty Varmint)

16> Whoa Nelly!

15> Coolio-lay-dee-hooo!

14> Mixmaster Merle

13> N.R.A.

12> C. Twitty

11> Snoop Hounddy Houndd

10> DJ Jazzy Jeb and the Fresh Prince of Cheyenne

9> The Bestiality Boys

8> Ma-Rule

7> Ol’ Dirty Haggard

6> 2 Live Chickens

5> Dudicris

4> DJ Dolly P. and Her Notoriously B.I.G. Ones

3> Shaniqua Twizzain

2> Ron’s GMC

1> 50 Cent Haircut

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]

[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]

The Top 12 Most Popular Rap Songs (Part II)

12. “Gettin’ Piggy Wit It”

11. “Me So Corny”

10. “Popeye’s Be Illin’” by Run KFC

9. “I Want a Girl Just Like the Girl Who Murdered Dear Old Dad”

8. “Assume the Position” by Marky Mark Fuhrman

7. “Def Printer Jam” by Toner Lo

6. “I Left My Heat in San Francisco”

5. “Impeach Da Sucka!” by The Notorious G.O.P.

4. “Yo, I Ain’t Dreamin’ of No White Christmas”

3. “You Gotta Fight For Your Right to Fart, Eh?”

2. “Get Jiggy With Me, Bro, and I’ll Put A Cap In Your Lousy Can’t-Rap, Can’t-Act Ass”

1. “Salt N Pepa’s Lonely Ho’s Club Band”

[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]

[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]

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