Q: Why did the bass player get mad at the timpanist?A: He turned a peg and wouldn’t tell the bass player which one.
Q: Why do clarinetists leave their cases on the dashboard?A: So they can park in the handicap zones.
15. In space provided, tell us why you want, why you really, really, want this job.
14. Do you have any detectable vestige of talent, besides your hooters?
13. Would it, like, bother you to be the target of unrelenting hatred?
12. How would you best describe yourself?
( ) An energetic self-starter
( ) A team player
( ) A tasty, albeit untalented, bit of crumpet
11. True or false: A mosh pit is the seed of the mosh fruit.
10. “I am willing to trade sexual favors for a career in the music industry.”
9. How many times have you been kicked out of a karaoke bar?
8. Does nudity bother you? If so, should I put my clothes back on?
7. Explain the difficulties in identifying the source of individual free will in light of the deterministic theories of neurochemical medicine and modern behavioralist psychology. Just kidding!! Seriously, do you like leather mini-skirts?
6. Are you deceptively attractive in colored or stroboscopic light?
5. Choose an appropriate nickname: Sexy, Nasty, Sweetie, Chlamydia.
4. Have you ever been convicted of combining vertical and horizontal stripes?
3. If two trains leave Liverpool an hour apart at 90 kilometers, and 75 kilometers an hour, respectively, how would you look in spandex?
2. Does the term “force majeure in perpetuity” make you afraid or just giggly?
1. If required as part of your deal with Satan, would you be willing to help alleviate Prince Charles’s loneliness?
Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA!
20> SixPac Shakur
19> The Dixie Bizznitches
17> ODV (Ol’ Dirty Varmint)
16> Whoa Nelly!
14> Mixmaster Merle
12> C. Twitty
11> Snoop Hounddy Houndd
10> DJ Jazzy Jeb and the Fresh Prince of Cheyenne
9> The Bestiality Boys
7> Ol’ Dirty Haggard
6> 2 Live Chickens
4> DJ Dolly P. and Her Notoriously B.I.G. Ones
3> Shaniqua Twizzain
2> Ron’s GMC
1> 50 Cent Haircut
[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2003 by Chris White ]
Q: What is the difference between grapes and a viola?A: You take off your shoes to stamp on grapes.
Q: What’s the name of a good English horn player?A: I’ll tell you when I meet one.
Q: Why do drummers have a half ounce more brains than horses?A: So they don’t disgrace themselves at the parade.
12. “Gettin’ Piggy Wit It”
11. “Me So Corny”
10. “Popeye’s Be Illin’” by Run KFC
9. “I Want a Girl Just Like the Girl Who Murdered Dear Old Dad”
8. “Assume the Position” by Marky Mark Fuhrman
7. “Def Printer Jam” by Toner Lo
6. “I Left My Heat in San Francisco”
5. “Impeach Da Sucka!” by The Notorious G.O.P.
4. “Yo, I Ain’t Dreamin’ of No White Christmas”
3. “You Gotta Fight For Your Right to Fart, Eh?”
2. “Get Jiggy With Me, Bro, and I’ll Put A Cap In Your Lousy Can’t-Rap, Can’t-Act Ass”
1. “Salt N Pepa’s Lonely Ho’s Club Band”
[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List firstname.lastname@example.org http://www.topfive.com ]
Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone?A: Take your hand out of the bell and miss all of the notes.