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The Joke Forum Blog - Need a Laugh Read it, Have a Joke Tell it

Neighbour’s surprise

John comes home from holidays and almost immediately has another confrontation with his neighbour and long time enemy.

Later, inside and unpacking, he finds a bottle he didn’t remember buying. Still it looks good so he gives it polish . . ., and whoosh, out comes a genie.

“Oh holder of the bottle, I grant thee three wishes; but be warned that what you wish for is granted doubly to your greatest enemy.”

“Well I wish my last girlfriend would come back and be in love with me again” asks John for his first wish. Hearing his name being called from the next room tells him she’s back. John looks out his window and sees his neighbour with two women clearly besotted with him.

“For my second wish, I want a big mansion” says John who goes outside and sees his house has grown into a mansion. The neighbour’s house being a mansion twice as big.

At this stage the genie reminds him that his enemy will still get double for the third and final wish.

“Then for my third wish, I want . . . I want you to remove one of my testicles.”

Foot long liter

A man walks into a bar and he sees a guy with a foot long liter. he asks “the man where did he get it?” the guy “replies there is a lamp by the lake rub it and the genie in it will grant you one wish.” So the man runs to the lake finds the lamp rubs it and asks for a million bucks when he gets home there is a million ducks. He goes back to the bar and told the guy what happened. The guy replies” You think I asked for a footlong bic?”

Drunk Driver

A drunk is driving through the city and his car is weaving violently all over the road. An Irish cop pulls him over.
“So,” says the cop to the driver, “where have you been?”

“I’ve been to the pub,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “it looks like you’ve had quite a few.

“I did all right,” the drunk says with a smile.

“Did you know,” says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms, “that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens,” sighs the drunk. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

Duel Genie

A guy was walking down the beach and found a bottle and picked it up. A genie appeared and said, “Thank you for releasing me. As a reward I will grant you 3 wishes.”
So the man said, “I wish for a million dollars.” and he got a million dollars. The man said, “I wish for a luxury car,” and he got a luxury car. The genie said, “Before you make your third wish, I must tell you I am a duel genie. Whatever you wish for, your wife gets double that. She’s already got 2 million dollars and 2 luxury cars. Do you want to make a third wish?”

“Yeah,” said the man, “Beat me half to death!”

Craping guts

One day 3 guys go hunting John, Jeff and BJ. John gets the frist kill of the day with a 12 point Buck. While he’s guting it Jeff has to take a crap, so he tells BJ and John and runs off. Jeff took off his pants got on a tree branch and fell a sleep. BJ takes the Deer guts and puts them under where jeff is siting making jeff think he craped out all his guts. 1 hour later Jeff comes charging up the hill saying ” Hay guys you cant beleve what happend to me !!! I fell asleep taking a crap and shited out all my guts. But thank god and these two fingers I got them back up there!

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